"ya, she'll give it to you, but think of how many others guys have had the same thing"

i have learned 2 things this week:

1- anestetics from surgery are evil and make you choke and cough!
2- guys are never going to get it



I wanted to tell him so badly today. the idoit was making the biggest mistake of his life and walking right into the trap. so what the heck! go with the flow,  not warn him of the trap, see how his life ends up without me :) goodbye jerk! hope she's as good to you as i was... :)

For now...in highschools, the guys are going to date and makeout with the sluts who have everything to offer, no regrets, and their going to leave the good girls (who kept thier tongues in their mouths) back in the dust making us feel worthless...but in the long run, do things ever change?

I'm Back!

hey everyone:)

It has been an insane summer!

California, then to Idaho, and Montana!

Now I am back in rainy wonderful oregon :)

My summer was so amazing, so far, but since the surgery (had surgery on my feet) i have had to time settle down since my crazy summer:) i'll start adding new post tommoarrow but just wanted to update today :)

Thansk for reading!!

May 9, 2010

 "some people come into your life forever, but with other...its only a moment.."

uhm...sorry haven't posted in a while, been having some friend problems...people aren't always who they say there are and they dont always stick around for as long as you want them to...and they dont always keep their promises, except for the ones that drive them away even further...just because i'm bettering myself, some people get mad and leave to make themselves feel better....i understand that some friendships are only temporary, it doesn't mean i have to like it...but oh well...i guess...if people can't really take me for who i am or for who i want to be, then are they really true friends? are they really gonna be honest? be there for you? be the one holding your hair when your throwing up all the booze from your 21st birthday? are they gonna be the that brings the frosting, whipped cream, and ice cream when you get your heart broken?


i have never had a friendship for longer than two years, and i know i probably never will, but a girl can always hope right? but it's whatever i guess....and then...i mostly only have guy friends, then sometimes they will devoloped crushes and stop talking to me and stop the friendship and i'm like..."what the heck!?!?!?!" ughhhh.....

i suck at friendships....but oh well...they never last, the friend never sticks around no matter how hard you try...but thats life i guess...i must be stupid because if your supposed to learn from your mistakes...i have not learned a thing, and do i keep making the same mistake or is it the other person who messes everything up...i just dont know anymore honestly...

and screw life i guess!!!! hhahaha, it sucks, and....your going to get every hardship thrown at you but oh well, you have to suffer with the concequences of what you do...and just because your a good person, then, that doesn't mean nothing bad is gonna happen to you...most likely, everything bad will happen to you because your a strong person and the weaker people wouldn't be able to take half the stuff the good strong person will do


but who really cares anymore, only the people with nothing better to do analyze eachothers livess and try to mess them up, but the people with a future dont give in AND  do not care!! honestly, i have walked away from all the drama in my life...i just walked away...and..now im the loner sitting in the library alone at lunch time...or at second lunch i hang out with a group of guys but i doubt i'm wanted there either!! hahaha, oh wellll

well, i'm to tired to edit this post! im going back to bed after thiss...sooo...i'll try to post tommorrow....but whatever, i dont even know at this poinnt...i'm half asleep so i wont even rememeber what i wrote...welll....i am going to bed...night...

May 4, 2010...he's with her now

"love is a choice, not a feeling, the only feelings there are is lust"

This is for the guy i thought i knew...but i saw him today holding someone else in his arms...i was in so much agony i couldn't even cry...this is for him


your with her tonight.
holding her in her arms.
she is so beautiful.
i knew i never would be good enough for you.
you left me out in the cold...
everything i thought i knew was a lie.
i wonder how many times you have said you love her,
because, i want to compare it to how many times you said you loved me.
tell me why?
why did you leave me?
what did i do?
was the thought of a commitment to me unbearable?
i thought you loved me.
i believed you.
i let you in,
you broke me down.
you stole my heart.
your with her now.
you seem happy.
i still love you.
you know i'm always there.
i will never leave your side...
i'll be down waiting for you,
and when you knocked out by her,
i'll pick up the pieces.
hoping maybe you'll give them to me once again, fully...
but then you get up and hand those pieces of your heart to the next one.
the next fall.
your next everything.




        ~~~lost love

May 3, 2010

"what if we knew all the 'what if's' in life?"

you know when you loose the one you had the most feelings for...they leave you...without warning...throwing you into the unknown and leaving questions unanswered...and...you wonder what would happen if they person never left you? or if you lasted another year? what if they never wanted to say goodbye?  after they leave you, you never know...and the thought of the new beginning that lies ahead is scary...but...i guess that may be all the thrill in life, being left on your own, starting over...or at least trying to

i guess when your led into the unkown your never gonna know all the 'what if's'  but, maybe, if you did know...then...life would be boring... and...you would never get  the full expeirence...if we knew everything in life...then...would what mistakes would we make to learn from?